Thank you for showing up again.
I’ve waited all night long for you.
Although, I know the morning will come, I always hope the night rushes to meet you.
Because when it does, it reminds me my day is here and I can choose to live as you do,
illuminating the entire sky.
Our mind is powerful beyond our own comprehension; and so it makes us suffer. It creates our realities and allows for us to expand our horizons or keep ourselves imprisoned in our thought processes. It provides for interesting conversations with ourselves of momentary clarity or aching confusion. Even when we sleep, the mind travels through our subconscious, rummaging through our deepest thoughts and compiling dreams that may wake us up in drenched sweat. It never stays quiet. It can argue with itself or stroke its own ego all in the same conversation. It can make itself up but then change itself 2 seconds later….and once the decision is followed through, it can harbor regret and guilt in its deepest corners creating agitating doubt. It makes it all a terrible tragedy, when the reality of it all is no such thing. It creates fear and plays with it by introducing ideas which feeds its growth. So what to do? Don’t stop to think….just stop to think.
By definition, FEAR is “adistressingemotionarousedbyimpendingdanger,evil,pain,etc.,whetherthethreatisrealorimagined;the feelingorconditionofbeing afraid.” For me, fear is the drunk friend who I need to send to rehab so it can come back and experience life sober. I have allowed for this friend to hang around for a long time. Giving it shot after shot of tequila and keeping it obliterated so life never looks completely possible. I stumble with it and instead of allowing it to pass out and sleep, I carry it around with me to my next chapter and feed it some more. There are also people that come around who help me keep my friend wasted and who actually enjoy seeing my friend and I attached and co-dependent. They introduce me to their drunk friends who apparently they carry around as well. The distraction of the lush never allows for me to attend to what I truly want in life. It keeps me in its fog and drains the life out of me. It convinces me that if I just let it sleep to sober up, I will not be able to survive without it. It has persuaded me that life for me is only supposed to be a struggle and the only way to get through it, is to carry the drunk around with me so I feel protected and prepared. However, I also have another friend named FAITH. FAITH is pure and honest. It makes sure I stop to smell the roses and joins me on long walks to make sure I am taking in what life has to offer. It listens to every single word I say and tells me everything I wish for, I will achieve. It opens my heart so I may pour it all out while filling it right back up again with the most sobering love. It has been knocking on my door for a while, but FEAR has made me keep FAITH outside, never allowing it to come in but waiting patiently. Until now!! I put fear on a plane to the best rehab one can go to. It’s probably doing deep meditative yoga right now and kicking itself in the ass for not sobering up sooner. As for FAITH and I, well, we are moving along very nicely and wish FEAR all the best.
During our journey, we collect many things. We pack it all into our suitcases and carry it around with us. If one were to open our suitcase, one would find our memories, our pains, our joys, our resentments, our loves, our hates, our secrets, our fears, our worries and our dreams. The heaviest items are the ones that are folded and packed with sadness, fears, anger, worry and resentment. The lightest items are the ones that are folded and packed with love, joys, compassion and our dreams. Most of us pack the heavier things and only make small room for the lighter items. We then wonder why life is so difficult? Why we always feel weighed down? Why we have problems that never seem to go away? Why we have animosity towards people? Why love never finds us? Why we sabotage ourselves?
When we open our suitcase and check our inventory; What are we carrying around? If it is the heavier things, unpack; Donate it to forgiveness, letting go and God. The souvenirs we take from our journey should be the ones we can admire with understanding, acceptance and learning. Let’s fill our suitcase with the lighter things and allow it to carry US.