“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.” ~ Yogi Bhajan
- Lifetime Relationships
A “lifetime” relationship is, as the name suggests, one that lasts a lifetime. These relationships flow with ease. Both partners are deeply committed and have a mutual affinity towards one another. Their love and connection is so strong that nothing can really break them apart.
Even in times of struggle and disconnect, they endure no matter the circumstances. There may be times when the partners do not see eye-to-eye with one another, experience frustration, or grow beyond the relationship; however, they always find a way to create balance and reconnect with each other in a healthy and loving way.
- Life-Giving Relationships
A “life-giving” relationship is meant to put the spark back into your life and add a spring in your step. This person comes into your life to remind you of your values, your worth, and never to settle for less than you desire. He or she pushes you out of your norm by adding lots of fun and passion into your everyday so that you can live again. The relationship is full of energy and excitement.
You’ll know when you are in a life-giving relationship, because the relationship will be very intense. Life-giving relationships are either “fun, passionate or filled with chaos.” With this type of relationship, you can expect to experience lots of drama and eventually burn each other out with the ups and downs.
What’s important to understand with life-giving relationships is that they do not last very long. They may last anywhere from a brief “fling” to a two-year relationship; however, they are finite in duration.
The reason these relationships do not last long is because the person is not meant to be your lifetime partner. Instead, he or she has been sent to you as a soulmate to prepare you for your actual life partner—by serving as the doorway to your ideal relationship and teaching you all of the necessary lessons so that you can be a perfect match for someone else.
The biggest challenge most people have who are in these intense life-giving relationships is that they try to turn it into a lifetime relationship, to stay together forever. They try and try so hard, going back and forth, and struggling to make it work that eventually the relationship becomes more toxic and draining than healthy.
When these relationships end, know that this person will always be in your heart, you’ll love them dearly and possibly even have a hard time letting go. But when releasing this relationship, understand why he or she came into your life, what they were there to teach you, and also acknowledge why it is best for the relationship to end.
- Purposeful Relationships
The most common and prevalent relationship that many tend to experience is the “purposeful” relationship. Two people are “tethered” together for a specific purpose, whether the purpose may to be help each other heal, spiritual growth, build a family or business together—whatever the purpose may be.
One purposeful relationship I had in the past was to help me overcome a previous heartache and to teach me to value myself more. Through that relationship I learned to feel comfortable with being vulnerable and letting my true self shine.
Purposeful relationships can last anywhere from one year to even decades. However, as with life-giving relationships, they too aren’t meant to last forever. Generally, when the purpose of having come together has been fulfilled, the relationship will reach a natural conclusion.
You will know when you are in the purposeful relationship when the relationship ends or takes a drastic turn. This is when cheating, disconnect or disappointment is likely to occur. The relationship and connection changes, but no matter what, the previous warmth and love is nearly impossible to relive.
The purpose for the relationship may not always be clear. You may believe it’s meant to last forever, but for some reason the relationship doesn’t seem to progress beyond a certain point—at least not to that deeply loving and committed lifetime level that you may desiring. Often times, it isn’t until the relationship has ended and you have either moved on or had time to reflect that you realize the purpose for which you two came together in that particular time and space.
The most pain and frustration occurs when one or both partners try to make a purposeful relationship into a lifetime relationship. It isn’t meant to go the distance, and no amount of effort will push it to that level. Many have a hard time with this harsh reality and refuse to believe the relationship essentially is over, causing them to hold on tightly and stay in unfulfilled relationships longer than necessary, thus causing more pain and heartache.
If all you are experiencing is pain and feeling as though you are fighting an uphill battle in the relationship, it is important to stop all effort and pay attention to your emotions. It may be time to let go and allow in a new phase.
Source: Iyanla Vanzant and Lisa Nichols